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Archive for the ‘ Relationships ’ Category

 
Sunday, September 13th, 2009

The types of relationships friends provide have extraordinary health benefits. In one study, researchers report that stressed hamsters with skin wounds that were paired up with other hamsters healed faster than those that were left alone.

The hamsters with friends also produced less cortisol, a stress hormone that creates negative emotions. The first step to making and maintaining friends is to know what makes a good friend.

relationships friends
To create the type of relationships that friends need, you must first create time for them. It’s simply not possible to physically see every single friend each day, but phoning, emailing, sending cards in the mail and text messaging friends to let them know you’re thinking of them can go a long way.

Sometimes the easiest way to make time for seeing friends is to pick one mutual hobby you can do each week together, such as a yoga class, a weekly game night, a movie night, join a hockey league, choose a day and time to meet at your favorite bar or coffee shop, etc.

You need to make your friends a priority to reap any benefits from your healthy relationships. You want be there for the good times, such as for weddings, graduations and birthday parties, yet you also need to be there for the bad times too; for the funerals, the surgeries and the breakups.

healthy relationships
Even though the dating relationships provide are essential, we should be careful not to place too much burden on any one person. “Just as no marriage can meet our every need for intimacy, neither can a single friendship,” wrote Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall in their book,

What Every Mom Needs. When we expect one friend to meet all of our needs for daily stimulation, support, companionship and advice, we inadvertently begin to suffocate him or her. We may even become possessive of that friendship and attempt to control that person.

Instead, we should look to several different interpersonal relationships to satisfy our needs. Lastly, good friends forgive quickly and accept that people are only human.

romance relationships
When we are kids, it’s easy to acquire relationships friends provide. We find them at school, in after-school activities, in the neighborhood and through our parents. However, once we’re older and married, we may see our social relationships dwindle. There are many places for you to make new relationships with people.

You can take your pet to a dog park, join a gym class, join a cause or hobby group, get involved at your kids’ school, join a church, organize a block party or go back to school. Even so, it’s important that you don’t forget about maintaining healthy relationships with your friends, who will be there to rejoice over your triumphs and support you when times get tough.

 
Sunday, September 13th, 2009

The types of relationships friends provide have extraordinary health benefits. In one study, researchers report that stressed hamsters with skin wounds that were paired up with other hamsters healed faster than those that were left alone.

The hamsters with friends also produced less cortisol, a stress hormone that creates negative emotions. The first step to making and maintaining friends is to know what makes a good friend.

relationships friends
To create the type of relationships that friends need, you must first create time for them. It’s simply not possible to physically see every single friend each day, but phoning, emailing, sending cards in the mail and text messaging friends to let them know you’re thinking of them can go a long way.

Sometimes the easiest way to make time for seeing friends is to pick one mutual hobby you can do each week together, such as a yoga class, a weekly game night, a movie night, join a hockey league, choose a day and time to meet at your favorite bar or coffee shop, etc.

You need to make your friends a priority to reap any benefits from your healthy relationships. You want be there for the good times, such as for weddings, graduations and birthday parties, yet you also need to be there for the bad times too; for the funerals, the surgeries and the breakups.

interpersonal relationships
Even though the dating relationships provide are essential, we should be careful not to place too much burden on any one person. “Just as no marriage can meet our every need for intimacy, neither can a single friendship,” wrote Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall in their book,

What Every Mom Needs. When we expect one friend to meet all of our needs for daily stimulation, support, companionship and advice, we inadvertently begin to suffocate him or her. We may even become possessive of that friendship and attempt to control that person.

Instead, we should look to several different interpersonal relationships to satisfy our needs. You’ll find more people want to be around you in no time!

new relationships
When we are kids, it’s easy to acquire relationships friends provide. We find them at school, in after-school activities, in the neighborhood and through our parents. However, once we’re older and married, we may see our social relationships dwindle. There are many places for you to make romance relationships with people.

You can take your pet to a dog park, join a gym class, join a cause or hobby group, get involved at your kids’ school, join a church, organize a block party or go back to school. Friendships may not happen overnight, but the more you put yourself out there, the more friends you’ll make.

 
Sunday, September 6th, 2009

“When I was a student, training to become a marriage counselor, I asked a lovely old lady in her late sixties, ‘When does sexual desire stop?’ Her immediate response was, ‘I’ll let you know,’” Eleanor Hamilton writes in Still Doing It: Women & Men over 60 Write About Their Sexuality.

“Her answer confirmed what I have known now for 40 years - namely, that we are sexual beings from birth until death.” When it comes to having a healthy marriage, sexual relationships are extremely important.

intimate relationships
Sex, romantic relationships are all closely interwoven, as intimacy begets bonding and bonding begets a loving, positive relationship. Often that intimacy can be carried outside the bedroom and into a deep satisfaction during everyday life.

One important way to rekindle sex relationships is to initiate daily contact. “Many couples have two modes of affection: nothing or intercourse, and when that’s the case, ‘nothing’ usually wins out,” explains marriage advice expert Barry McCarthy Ph.D.

The problem is that, if a kiss or back massage always leads to sex, spouses may avoid contact if they’re “not in the mood.” They may feel anxious or encounter performance anxiety when they’re touched, which inhibits sexual pleasure.

Instead, holding hands, hugging for no reason and initiating other types of contact will lead to a stronger connection, both in and out of the bedroom. McCarthy adds, “Your sex will become much more natural, because one kind of touch flows into another.”

romance relationships
“The latest research has found that one of the keys to sexual satisfaction is a sense of sexual adventurousness,” says Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago.

She explains that the simple act of wearing a new nightie, planning a night at a bed-and-breakfast, sleeping on new sheets or pulling out all the romantic stops on a special dinner date will send a crucial message that says “I care.” As the saying goes, “If you don’t use it, you lose it” — which is another reason why sex at least once a week is important physically, not just mentally.

marriage advice
There are also physical changes that may impede sex relationships as couples grow old together. “One thing you can count on is that when you are over 40 you won’t be getting spontaneous erections in the same rapid and easy way you did when you were in your adolescence years or early 20s,” cautions Dr. Saul Rosenthal, the author of Sex Over 40.

“Just thinking about sex or seeing a sexual partner won’t be enough. You will require more and more direct physical stimulation.” Having an understanding partner is the key to romantic relationships, he says. Sharing turn-ons with one another and slowing down to enjoy foreplay can lead to a more satisfying love life.

 
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

Many of us start out wonderfully in fantastic new healthy relationships. We soak in every moment of our partner and relish in every word. We feel connected and stimulated both in and out of the bedroom. While the initial merger may seem natural, maintaining the relationship may not come so naturally.

Our need to build relationships that are long-lasting and fulfilling is essential to our cardiovascular health, our recovery from illness and our very longevity. There are many key components of successful intimate relationships.

romance relationships
To romance relationships that are strong, we must build our foundation upon seven pillars. The first pillar is honesty. You must be honest with yourself and with your partner to create close interpersonal relationships. With honesty comes trust, and you must be able to trust your partner in every way and put keeping their trust as a top priority. The third pillar is respect.

You must respect each other’s strengths, shortcomings, dreams, goals, personality and opinions. The fourth pillar is communication, which requires time, attentiveness and good listening skills. Attention is the fifth pillar, which means showing that you’re thinking about your partner, enjoying time together and sending positive energy their way on a regular basis.

The sixth pillar is intimacy. This entails more than just sexual relationships but also letting your guard down, trusting, sharing and respecting the other person. The last pillar is commitment, which is essential to a good, strong relationship.

There are five key skills needed to build relationships that are strong, positive and enduring. Knowing how to manage stress is the first skill of emotional intelligence. Stress has the potential to disrupt communication, drain you of energy and damage the relationships.

You’ll need to recognize when you’re getting stressed and practice relaxation techniques to maintain control of your emotions. The second emotional intelligence skill is having the ability to control your emotions. It’s perfectly natural to feel anger, sadness and other emotions, but it’s how we communicate those emotions that matters.

love and relationships
You must be in-tune with yourself to recognize how your past has shaped your present. Nonverbal communication is emotional intelligence skill #3. Eye contact, good posture, touching one’s arm, keeping a calm tone of voice and smiling are all techniques to use when communicating with your partner. The ability to use humor and play is the fourth key to happy social relationships and the ability to resolve conflicts is the fifth skill.

Almost all relationships advice centers on making time for one another. Once you build relationships, quality time spent together is the glue that holds intimate relationships together. “Couples need to spend a lot of time with each other,” says Dr. David Kaplan, chair of the counseling department at Emporia State University in Kansas. “There is no substitute for quantity of time.”

He advises spending at least 15 minutes each day with a personal one-on-one conversation. Additionally, he says couples should take half a day each week to go out on a date. Getting physical is also essential, whether you’re 20, 40 or 60.

romantic relationships
Relationships sex may not need to happen every day, but partners should be on the same page for how often it should happen. Older couples generally don’t fight often but deciding upon retirement could create feelings of jealousy if you don’t communicate your retirement timeline, dreams and goals.

 
Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

Many of us start out wonderfully in fantastic new romantic relationships. We soak in every moment of our partner and relish in every word. We feel connected and stimulated both in and out of the bedroom. While the initial merger may seem natural, maintaining the relationship may not come so naturally.

Our need to build relationships that are long-lasting and fulfilling is essential to our cardiovascular health, our recovery from illness and our very longevity. There are many key components of successful intimate relationships.

romance relationships
To build relationships that are strong, we must build our foundation upon seven pillars. The first pillar is honesty. You must be honest with yourself and with your partner to create close interpersonal relationships. With honesty comes trust, and you must be able to trust your partner in every way and put keeping their trust as a top priority. The third pillar is respect.

You must respect each other’s strengths, shortcomings, dreams, goals, personality and opinions. The fourth pillar is communication, which requires time, attentiveness and good listening skills. Attention is the fifth pillar, which means showing that you’re thinking about your partner, enjoying time together and sending positive energy their way on a regular basis.

The sixth pillar is intimacy. This entails more than just sexual relationships but also letting your guard down, trusting, sharing and respecting the other person. The last pillar is commitment, which is essential to a good, strong relationship.

There are five key skills needed to build relationships that are strong, positive and enduring. Knowing how to manage stress is the first skill of emotional intelligence. Stress has the potential to disrupt communication, drain you of energy and damage the relationships.

You’ll need to recognize when you’re getting stressed and practice relaxation techniques to maintain control of your emotions. The second emotional intelligence skill is having the ability to control your emotions. It’s perfectly natural to feel anger, sadness and other emotions, but it’s how we communicate those emotions that matters.

sex relationships
You must be in-tune with yourself to recognize how your past has shaped your present. Nonverbal communication is emotional intelligence skill #3. Eye contact, good posture, touching one’s arm, keeping a calm tone of voice and smiling are all techniques to use when communicating with your partner. By following these tips, you can improve almost all of your social relationships.

Almost all relationships advice centers on making time for one another. Once you build relationships, quality time spent together is the glue that holds intimate relationships together. “Couples need to spend a lot of time with each other,” says Dr. David Kaplan, chair of the counseling department at Emporia State University in Kansas. “There is no substitute for quantity of time.”

He advises spending at least 15 minutes each day with a personal one-on-one conversation. Additionally, he says couples should take half a day each week to go out on a date. Getting physical is also essential, whether you’re 20, 40 or 60.

romantic relationships
Relationships sex may not need to happen every day, but partners should be on the same page for how often it should happen. Older couples generally don’t fight often but deciding upon retirement could create feelings of jealousy if you don’t communicate your retirement timeline, dreams and goals.

Positive personal relationships can provide great strength during hard times. They can add to our self-esteem, boost our confidence and illuminate our admirable traits. Their presence can help us determine what is “normal” and how we compare to society, at large.

They can be a daily comfort to our psyche and make life so much more fulfilling. Conversely, negative long distance relationships can tear at our sanity and cause extreme stress, depression, loneliness, anxiety and frustration.

love and relationships
The keys to successful personal relationships are often the same, regardless of what type of relationship you’re looking to strengthen, be it friend, coworker, family member or romance relationships. For instance, being assertive and drawing clear boundaries is a good practice in any relationship.

First you must explore your own feelings and decide what your limits are. Next, you will need to assert yourself using “I” statements, as well as cause-and-effect consequences. For instance, you might say, “I dislike being tickled because it makes me feel powerless and uncomfortable.

If you tickle me again, I will have to leave.” If the person violates your boundaries, then you must stick to your guns and do as promised to reinforce those boundaries. Over time, you may note that the other person cannot adhere to your boundaries and you may come to the conclusion that he or she does not actually respect you.

While it may be a tough conclusion to reach, you couldn’t have come to the truth without first setting boundaries.

parenting relationships
Another way to bolster any of your personal relationships is to learn to manage your anger better. Anger can be an extremely detrimental to romance relationships, parent/child relationships, workplace relationships or friendships. Feeling anger is not the problem; rather, the problem arises from our mismanagement of anger.

The first step to managing your anger is to understand the triggers, both the superficial triggers and the underlying triggers. For example, you might blow your top over your spouse forgetting an anniversary. Yet, beneath that, you may see a pattern of behavior because your spouse also forgot to get you anything for Valentine’s Day, forgot to tell you all his friends were coming over last weekend, forgot to tell you your mother called and forgot to call to say he’d be home late from the bar.

Perhaps you’re really feeling like he doesn’t consider your feelings or inform you on important matters. It’s crucial that you learn to stop bottling your emotions and instead relieve them in healthy ways.

In any of your personal relationships, “Disagreements are going to occur,” says Dr. Phil. “The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it with a spirit of getting even, for vengeance or to gain control? You’ll never win if you do that.

romance relationships
If you make your personal relationships a competition, then that means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It’s not a competition, it’s a partnership.” The first step toward happiness is admitting there’s a problem and enlisting professional help to find the best solution.

 
Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

A family ripped apart by separation and divorce is a tragedy. In almost all cases there will be acute pain experienced by every family member involved, and some never recover. It’s a sad reality that most serious romantic relationships end tragically. If you’ve experienced the trauma of marriage breakdown you might relate with this.

There are so many reasons for marriage in society today. If you ask most single people whether they want to get married, they will reply that they do, when the time comes. It is because they realize there are good reasons to find someone to settle with in life. The first and most recognized reason for marriage is love. When people find each other and fall in love, the greatest thing to do is get married. But nowadays marriage becomes a curse in life.Compel women to be attracted to you. Learn formulas to attract women so that finally women will approach you. Tactics guaranteed to boost confidence! Click tips for men.

It is so much easier to place blame on someone else then accept personal responsibility. The fact is that two people inhabit all marriages. Those two people are co-creators of their marriage and their divorce. Even if one of the partners was unfaithful or a liar, there are always signs along the way that we either refused to see or to acknowledge.

A defective, unhealthy, but common, belief that causes depression and a lot of marriage problems is when you judge your self-worth by other people’s opinion of you. When you receive a compliment, you feel good about yourself; when you are criticized, you feel rotten.

Some marriages fail, some succeed, and some just seem to linger along somewhere in between. A man and a woman join together in union to spend the rest of their lives in happiness and eternal bliss. Unfortunately, not all marriages are in perfect bliss; many are annulled by the church. Many factors determine why the divorce rate in this country is so high and does not seem see a decline anytime soon.

Speaking of cheating, loyalty is a very big issue concerning marriages. A very high reason for the fifty percent of marriage failures is the lack of loyalty between the man and the woman. Obviously, when the person said that they would take care of one another and to love their partner at the wedding chapel, they were not telling the truth. Why do men run away from love? Here’s how to know if he’s lost attraction for you, and how to avoid the common mistakes that make good men leave, click relationship tips.

Many factors influence the ending of a marriage. That could possibly be why over fifty percent of marriages end. There are factors ranging from: abuse, drugs, money, cheating, and the lack of love. Reasons of which could be the lack of time that a couple spends with each other and that they rush into marriage without realizing what is ahead of them.

I got this relationship question from a reader and wanted to share it with everyone. Marie is really going through a difficult time in her relationship, her man is withdrawing because of his own emotional pain and she is really hurting. I am hoping that you can benefit from Marie’s question. Have a beautiful day!

Hi Sarah,

I have a question for which I need relationship help.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, but recently about 4 months back his parents decided to separate and get a divorce. My boyfriend is 27, (and I’m 26) and he has taken the divorce really badly, and has been forced to choose sides. He has been using tranquilizers and alcohol to kill the pain and as an escape from the situation.

He told me that he needs time and space to be alone. I have given him space, though it’s really hard… I haven’t seen him in four weeks.

He is a great guy, kind and affectionate, really funny and loves life, though now I feel with the divorce situation he is losing his love of life, and I really worry for him. He has just stopped calling of late, and whenever I call he does not pick my call, and he doesn’t call back. So I haven’t called or texted him for a couple of days.

I have read all the articles, about not calling a guy, that they like the chase, but isn’t this situation different since he is going through a hard time in life?

My questions are how can I reach out to him when he doesn’t pick the call? Should I keep calling him or will that turn him off? Should I text him, even though I don’t get a reply?

And is the fact that he doesn’t call a sign that our relationship is not going in the right way?

I feel our great relationship is slipping away…

I’m very confused with the whole situation; I need your help and advice!

Thank you!

Marie

Hey Marie-

Anyway, I see that your situation IS different, and I think we need to treat this not even so much as a relationship question, but as a question of humanity. I can also address this from my own experience, as well.

I am one of those people, too, who tend to withdraw automatically when facing great hurt or pain. It’s not so much that he does not want to see you or talk to you; I think it’s that he wants to ignore the pain, and push down his feelings because they HURT. He may be lying there crying at night or in the shower where no one can see him, and wishing desperately that you were there, but at the same time, being unable to reach out to you.

Ironically, for me, the key to understanding this about myself has been my best friend. I have been friends with my best friend, Marilyn, for….wow, going on 27+ years (I am 34). She is a very open and emotionally in-touch kind of person, and I am one who tends to be much more masculine in my feelings and my reactions. She has shown me how I withdraw, and how it is really hurtful to me instead of helpful to me. (She is an amazing person, and I would not be here today if it was not for her).

What she does if I withdraw is she leads me gently back to her. You can do things like text him and just say hey, it’s a beautiful day, here is a hug. Don’t ask him how he is doing, or tell him you are worried about him. Just open yourself to him and offer yourself without saying a word about his pain, his withdrawal or your worry.

You can also do things like leave him small gifts on his doorstep, like a meal or a movie, or something small that is fun or helpful but not relating, again, to his emotions.

I guess you kind of have to view him a little bit as a rabid dog. ? You want to approach him without prodding him, without taking about his pain, and showing him that you are still there, your connection is still there and you will not try to force him into opening up (at this point).

I think once you do that for a while, and stop prodding or prying even as well intentioned as you are, that he will begin to feel safe enough to be around you again. And keep it up even after he comes back.

Then after a while, after he has come back and your relationship is more normal, you can take some of the steps like Rori Raye recommends to get him to open up to you, gently and without him even really knowing it. Have you read her eBook yet? If not, I would HIGHLY recommend it to you, because it will really give you some tools you can use to get him to connect with you on an emotional level.

Click on the link for Rori Raye’s eBook

By the way - the alcohol problem DOES need to be addressed, as well, but I think that you should wait to address it until your relationship is back on track, AND until he has connected to you emotionally again as well. It may heal itself, if not, that WILL need to be addressed.

Love,
Sarah
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Monday, August 17th, 2009

Healthy love relationships and marriages are based around communication, intimacy, friendship and time spent together. When healthy relationships graduate to marital relationships and child rearing relationships, it’s easy to get blown off-course.

Many parents focus all their love and attention on the children and lose sight of their own needs and desires as a couple. With love, understanding, encouragement and daily effort, marriage reaps many rewards.

intimate relationships
The first step for creating happy love relationships is fixing any communication problems. Dr. David Burns suggests overcoming the silent treatment through a technique called “multiple choice empathy,” where you take on full responsibility for the other person’s feelings.

You might say a statement like, “I see you don’t want to talk to me. Is there something you’re upset about? Perhaps I didn’t listen to you as well as I should have or I tried to tell you what to do. I feel really bad that I’ve done this to you.” In most cases, the other person will open up.

If your partner is overly critical of you, the best move, Burns says, is to accept responsibility and make the statement more positive. For instance, if your partner accuses you of being a control freak, you might respond by saying, “I’ll admit I have a tendency to be controlling at times.” Then reaffirm how much the person and relationship means to you, mentioning your desire to make things right.

sexual relationships
The next step for creating happy love relationships is to share experiences together, no matter how big or small. Some couples get into a TV series together to spend that time cuddling on the couch, eating ice cream, laughing and discussing episodes together. With many top TV series available on DVD now, you can even indulge without all the time-wasting commercials!

In fact, it’s a great way to unwind from a long day and relax. Other couples may prefer to do something a little more active by taking a post-dinner bike ride, a Saturday morning hike and picnic or a daily treadmill workout at the gym. Creating time for each other doesn’t always come naturally. Speaking playfully with one another inspires a fresh approach to communication that can be rather fun.

building relationships
Another method to bolster love relationships is to get spiritual together. A University of Chicago survey of married couples found that 75% of Americans who pray with their spouses report their marriages are “very happy.”

Religion promotes many values that apply to interpersonal relationships, like respect, humility, faith and selflessness. In the same way, pursuing different hobbies can add a freshness to the relationship.

 
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

Dating relationships, whether good or bad, can teach a person a lot about him or herself. New relationships can fill a person with confidence, inspiration, hope and love. However, relationships that turn negative can lead to uncertainty, shame and depression.

Therefore, it’s important to understand what constitutes romantic relationships and unhealthy relationships. It can be difficult to objectively answer the question about what makes healthy relationships.

love relationships
Communicating properly within love relationships is often easier in theory than in practice, yet each partner should still strive for maintaining positive interaction. For instance, accusing someone with “you never listen to me,” or “you always forget to call me,” will automatically put the other person in a defensive position.

Instead, a positive partner will simply state how he or she feels. “Sometimes I feel that you don’t listen to me because…” would be a more appropriate way of communicating; or one could say, “I felt really disappointed when you didn’t call today and wondered why you didn’t do what you promised.”

Tone is also important. Couples should avoid sarcastic remarks, putting the other person down, blaming, name-calling, yelling or interrupting. Instead, each partner should be able to express grievances, to listen and to respond.

romantic relationships
Marriage counseling therapists use tools that are also effective for dating relationships, such as a nine-step process called “Emotional Freedom Techniques.” When a couple arrives, the first step is to lay out the problems.

Most couples will fight over laundry or paying the bills, which are surface-level issues that may happen repetitively, but it’s the goal of the therapist to uncover the real relationship issues troubling them. The next step, then, is to realize the destructive cycle and the underlying needs/wants that fuel this negative pattern.

The third step is to understand what’s fueling one’s emotions. In the fourth step, partners become less combative and realize that no one is to blame, but rather, the cycle is the common enemy they must defeat. Partners become more honest and admit their deepest fears and desires in the fifth step.

In the sixth step, the partners should acknowledge each other’s feelings. In the seventh step, couples become closer because of the newfound realizations and the eighth step involves brainstorming and problem solving. Lastly, the partners vow to stay on-track and prevent relapses.

People from broken homes can find it extremely difficult to create healthy dating relationships. Our first experience of love and relationships begins at home with our parents’ example.

Therefore, if the interpersonal relationships at home have been negative, then the child will have a skewed vision of what constitutes a “normal relationship.” Many people from broken homes find that they are always searching for what their family life has lacked.

building relationships
It is entirely possible to view an abusive upbringing as an example of what not to do. Some people in dating relationships can break out of these cycles and learn to live and love positively; although, many more people require some counseling to uncover negative behavioral patterns that have been adopted from childhood.

It’s important for the individual to do some soul-searching and remain honest about where one has been and where one is going. Spending some time alone, soul-searching and trying to think more positively is really what this woman will need to make healthy relationships a reality.

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